It’s been a rough week in the news for most, until Beyoncé announced she was having twins snapped us all back to reality and what truly matter – pop culture. Nothing brings pop culture and sports together like the Super Bowl. America needs this distraction, but unfortunately for the majority of Americans, the Patriots are in the big game again. No one wants them to win except gamblers and people who can’t pronounce the letter “r”.

Woah, Tommy.

Since there’s only one game for me to write about this week, we’ll cut through the formal shit. The Patriots have the number one defense in the league and the Falcons have the number one offense in the league. As you may remember, the Seattle Seahawks and Denver Broncos had a matchup similar to this one three years ago. That didn’t bode well for the Broncos, who were routed 43-8. The top offense and top defense have faced off 6 times in Super Bowl history and the defense has a 5-1 edge in those games.

History is poised to repeat itself, but the Patriots’ offense isn’t terrible. They’re ranked 4th and are pretty evenly matched in the run game. To the hopes of Fox and the NFL, it’s likely this game will be full of offense, giving casual fans the show they’re looking for while stuffing their faces. The Patriots defense hasn’t seen anything like the Falcons offense this season, either.

The Patriots contain the Falcons’ running attack, shut down Julio Jones, and win the battle at the line of scrimmage, then they’ll defend their way to a fifth Lombardi. I don’t think all of those things are going to happen. The Falcons will grab their first title – better yet, the Patriots will lose. America needs some good news.

Now, here are some useless facts to impress people at your Super Bowl party:

• More people bet on the Cleveland Browns to win the Super Bowl than the Atlanta Falcons
• Falcons Head Coach Dan Quinn has coached in 3 of the last 4 Super Bowls
  • He won it with the Seattle Seahawks as their defensive coordinator, lost it with the Seahawks to the Patriots, and here he is again as a head coach.
• No team has more former players in the Super Bowl than the Cleveland Browns
  • The Browns are just on the shit end of the stick. Falcons players Taylor Gabriel and Alex Mack and Patriots’ Dion Lewis, Barkevious Mingo, and Jabaal Sheard all were players in the Land at one point. Of course.
• Alabama and Rutgers have the most alumni playing in the Super Bowl
  • Both schools have 5 former players, while LSU and Stanford each have 4.
• The Patriots are undefeated when Dion Lewis plays
  • He’s played in 16 games in his 2 seasons with New England and they’re 16-0 in those games. He’s healthy and will be playing on Sunday.
• Patriots are favored by three points
  • When people ask who’s favored, there you go. That might change as Sunday approached but I’m sure our very own Tom Danielson can help you with any questions you may have there.

Enjoy the day, eat some delicious food, place silly prop bets, and remember: if that Patriots fan at your party can say the letter R, they’re a bandwagoner.