Another week down, and it was full of DRAMAAAA. This week I’ve had a little more time to process the dumpster fire that I would call this season, and we had more Jordan debacles and sadly too many injuries.

Let’s talk about the top five moments of week three that made us happy, sad, confused or just flat out laugh at how can we possibly still be into this wonderfully trash tv show:

5: Jason’s Come Back 

Poor Jason didn’t get a date last week which was probably pretty stressful……then Becca has the audacity to forget his name! Talk about a giant no-no..

I get it, you have so many guys around you and I’m sure I would forget some names too but come on. You should at least prep before the group date and do a double take on who will be there? That was so hard to watch especially with how much effort he put in. He went from the bottom to the top. As our very own Lindsey Schoon put it in her week three recap, Jason had the steamiest make out so far! Homeboy had the come back of the season so far. He’s so sweet, can I have him instead?

4: Greatest Bachelorette argument and come back EVER 

It’s the Chicken vs The Model, and I love that this is now a thing. Just when you thought Jordan couldn’t get any better after his naked stunt he surprised us with his tinder confidence. I want to start by saying that Jordan obviously loves himself and thinks he’s a perfect human being but the power he felt in bragging about his 100% tinder match ratio and having over 4,000 matches in one year is truly marvelous. Let’s not forget he claims he wasn’t on it everyday which only means he’d be spending a ridiculous amount of time some days sitting on his ass…on tinder…

Somewhere on the internet I found a stat that said active users can average around four matches a day which means if Jordan had over 4,000 matches in 2017…that means he was averaging over 10 matches a day.

What truly took the crown was the fact that obviously David was worried about Becca and what she might think about this, so he runs like a little kid to mommy to let her know big, bad arrogant Jordan is out bragging over his Tinder success. Becca coming out to high five Jordan about all his matches WAS THE LEVEL OF PETTY I NEEDED FROM HER.

I want to pour a little champagne out in honor of all the mean on the couches watches this whole ordeal go down as they try with all the muscles in their bodies to keep straight faces and not add any more fuel to the petty as fire that is David and Jordan’s feud.

3: Trips to the ER 

We had two men have to leave the house due to injuries and unfortunately one isn’t coming back.

Watching Clay be in his element was the highlight of this weeks entire episode. To see his athletic ability shine on screen was just a happy moment because he’s genuinely just a really great guy. I didn’t know what NFL team or what position he played before the show but I’ll definitely be paying next season just based on what a nice guy he is! To see how hard he took knowing the injury was worse than expected was devastating. Poor guy had to make the adult and rational decision. I fully support his decision to put himself first and go better himself to continue to play the game he loves so much.

Becca saying she felt like she lost it all when she walked him outside to say goodbye was exactly the over the top, dramatic Becca you’d expect. It’s the third week Becca…you never even gave Clay the attention he deserved which is fine, you can’t help who you gravitate to naturally.

Good luck boo boo, we all love you.

Not only did the Chicken stoop to Jordan’s level this week and kind of make a fool of himself playing snitch but the poor guy face planted out of his bunk. The production team really did a great job editing film in a way where we were all thinking that Jordan had gone off the deep end and tried to kill David in his sleep.

The good news is that, no, Jordan did not harm David…today. What did happen is poor David fell out of his bunk bed face first and it looked and sounds like it was horrific. I always had that fear when living in the dorms so I feel for you David!!! The clips for next week seem wild mostly cause Jordan is being dramatic but I’m going to guess David is probably okay if Jordan is being that over the top about everything.

2: Becca’s bad acting
When Becca gets the news about Davids accident her reaction was so cringe-worthy. If it wasn’t acting I will be shocked and someone feel free to correct me but watching her reaction screamed, “The producers already warmed and helped instruct me on how to act very surprised and concerned”. The only authentic part of that whole situation was the phone call with David where he was ecstatic to get better and head back to the mansion! Maybe Jordan has some acting skills up his sleeves so he can help coach Becca.

1. Colton getting the group date rose 

THE GROUP DATE WE’D BEEN WAITING FOR.

Me in Iowa watching this group date go down: 

This date was truly a reflection of the dumpster fire I referred to earlier. Not only did we kick it off with Jason’s name being forgotten but of course the elephant in the room that was the Tia/Colton relationship. DID ANYONE ELSE FEEL THE SEXUAL TENSION.

*Chug your wine from the start of the awkward glances*

The entire date was just awkward. To watch Becca try and be normal but watching Tia and Colton interact was what I would call, “uncomfy”. When Becca took Tia out of the room to go have the talk, I’m sorry but Tia was nowhere near convincing. How did Becca feel so uncomfortable during the conversation with Colton when he genuinely came to her to tell her the situation but she walked out of her talk with Tia feeling confident? The way Tia was carrying herself I think she definitely knows that Colton only signed up in hopes she was the Bachelorette. There’s zero doubt in my mind he didn’t send her a risky text one night confessing this to her but then committed to staying with Becca and now Tia could never tell Becca the truth.

Can’t wait to see these two rekindle the flame in paradise AMIRIGHT.

The worst part of all is that Becca threw this giant fit and was just SICK over the situation when Colton was being honest, but homie got the group date rose after a less-than convincing conversation at their cocktail hour following the spa session.

This whole situation is SUS and Becca made me eye roll harder this week than the last.

Add on to this group date:

Did Becca not have friends before the show? I get some of the girls coming back but where is her lifelong friends and the ones who didn’t go on national television with her to fight over the same man?

My reaction to see Bekah walk into the room:

My reaction when Sienne walked into the room:

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Also for someone who is a model and king of the world it confused me to see that his setting to thrive in was pampering other people and rubbing Becca’s feet….

Until next week, friends! We’re going to need a lot of wine to survive the rest of the season.