We all know that the Oscars are nothing more than the Academy’s annual fart-sniffing contest – and yet we still tune in to find out who won what anyway. So I devised this guide to help deduce which nominees have the most enticing aroma in the key categories.
BEST PICTURE
Call Me By Your Name
Darkest Hour
Dunkirk
Get Out
Lady Bird
Phantom Thread
The Post
The Shape of Water
Three Billboards Outside of Ebbing, Missouri
My Take
The only name on this list that I haven’t managed to see is The Post, though I’m pretty confident I’m not missing out on much seeing as Spielberg has been washed since ~2005.
If I were choosing, I’d give Lady Bird the nod. It’s an exceptionally funny, refreshing take on a well-worn topic that really worked for me. Dunkirk and Get Out are both very good (for different reasons) and plenty deserving of a win here as well, but neither quite measures to up LB.
The rest of the nominees ranged anywhere from pretentious snoozefest (Call Me By Your Name, Darkest Hour) to well-intentioned mess (The Shape of Water) to anger-inducing drivel (3B).
Favorite
Three Billboards is the betting favorite, unfortunately. I guess if you’re into redemption stories of a reckless, remorseless racist then maybe this is for you.
ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE
Timothee Chalamet (Call Me By You Name)
Daniel Day-Lewis (Phantom Thread)
Daniel Kaluuya (Get Out)
Gary Oldman (Darkest Hour)
Denzel Washington (Roman J. Israel, Esq.)
My Take
DDL should take it home in a landslide. His character is absolutely fascinating and the dedication to the role is obvious.
Oldman is pretty good too (if even a little too theatrical) but nowhere close to the degree of DDL.
Everybody else…well, you tried.
Favorite
Oldman
ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Willem Dafoe (The Florida Project)
Woody Harrelson (Three Billboards)
Richard Jenkins (The Shape of Water)
Christopher Plummer (All The Money In the World)
Sam Rockwell (Three Billboards)
My Take
Dafoe was quietly really good in TFP. Jenkins wasn’t given much to work with but he did what he could with it, as always. It’s embarrassing that Harrelson and Rockwell are even on this list (Rockwell easily being the worst choice), but here we are.
Favorite
Rockwell. Because of course.
ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE
Sally Hawkins (The Shape of Water)
Frances McDormand (Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri)
Margot Robbie (I, Tonya)
Saoirse Ronan (Lady Bird)
Meryl Streep, (The Post)
My Take
I’d lean Ronan. She breathes life into her difficult character with a near-perfect amount of quirkiness and really flourishes throughout the movie.
Ultimately, I’d like to see anyone other than Streep win for once.
Favorite
McDormand. She’s one of the best in the business and squeezed everything out of her role (even if that role was awful), so she’s far from undeserving.
ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Mary J. Blige (Mudbound)
Allison Janney (I, Tonya)
Lesley Manville (Phantom Thread)
Laurie Metcalf (Lady Bird)
Octavia Spencer (The Shape of Water)
My Take
It’s Metcalf and then everyone else. She was flawless as the overbearing but well-meaning mom in LB.
Janney is the best of what’s left.
Favorite
Janney. Well, hmmm, okay sure.
BEST DIRECTOR
Dunkirk (Christopher Nolan)
Get Out (Jordan Peele)
Lady Bird (Greta Gerwig)
Phantom Thread (Paul Thomas Anderson)
The Shape of Water (Guillermo del Toro)
My Take
This was easily the toughest category to me. All have substantial cases outside of Del Toro.
If I had to pick just one…I’d take Peele (I think). Unique concept with some fantastic writing.
Favorite
Del Toro. I quit.
WRITING (ADAPTED SCREENPLAY)
Call Me by Your Name
The Disaster Artist
Logan
Molly’s Game
Mudbound
My Take
All pretty meh in my book. I guess Call Me By Your Name? Sure. Why not.
Favorite
CMBYN. Finally got one!
WRITING (ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY)
The Big Sick
Get Out
Lady Bird
The Shape of Water
Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
My Take
Any one of the first three is a worthy choice. Give me Get Out for it’s socially-relevant brilliance.
Favorite
Get Out. Boom.
CINEMATOGRAPHY
Blade Runner 2049
Darkest Hour
Dunkirk
Mudbound
The Shape of Water
My Take
Blade Runner. Visuals are simply stunning, particularly in the world-building – much like the original.
Favorite
Blade Runner. Easy Money.
ORIGINAL SCORE (MUSIC)
Dunkirk
Phantom Thread
The Shape of Water
Star Wars: The Last Jedi
Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
My Take
Again, no great choices. The Shape of Water’s score is one of its few tolerable aspects.
Favorite
The Shape of Water